How do we love?
Poorly at best... but at least we love.
Tonight was interesting. I had the following conversation with Anna, one of the high school girls I mentor. We were talking about another girl who used to be in our small group but moved recently and has struggled to hold on to her faith and her identity with the pressures of a new place.
It's a bit of a stretch... but since it is my blog... last week we had a Stampin' Up party (yes... stamping... not quite a tupperware party, but as my friend Chris once said, very ...midwestern... of me nonetheless!) and over the assemblage of our beautiful cards some of the women at my table fell into conversation about the usage - or lack thereof - of the word "love". As in, how quickly do you say "I love you" to someone and, while we're on the subject, what is love anyway. Being Lucy, I inserted myself into the conversation - and probably gave it a more philosophical bent than was perhaps necessary :) It struck me how much I chafe against this idea that the "L" word is a four-letter word that should be used sparingly. I mean, okay, I suppose I understand the reluctance to bare ones soul, particularly in a romantic relationship, but really - I just don't think we say "I love you" enough! Where did we get the idea that asserting our affection - even deep affection - for someone was an utterance that somehow committed us to life-long exclusive claims on another person (or gave them such claims on us)? Not that I'm proposing that we glibly substitute "I love you" for our already shallow and oft-meaningless social interactions ("How are you?... We should get together sometime!... Great to see you."); on the contrary, I think we should take love more, not less, seriously. But I wish we would unburden it of the expectations and exclusivity we have given it and instead let it burden us with the weight of responsibility and delight that comes in giving and receiving love. I love my roommate - I love my friends - I love the girls in my small group - I love my colleagues (though now we're getting into harder territory!).
So when the women had left and the stamps and paper scraps had been cleared away, I sat down with Merriam-Webster & my thinking-cap and came up with the following home-spun definition of love. Except I appear to have misplaced it... there's some deep irony in that. In any case, here's a re-creation of what I sat down and wrote! I welcome your thoughts. Love = The persistant desire for the best for someone else. From the Latin meaning "to please", love is always seeking the thing that gives pleasure to another person. Or, as Webster says, it's "unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another."
Perhaps one of my favorite-est of favorite birthday presents ever was this short email from a (very poetic) Belarussian friend, Maxim:
Lucy -
May it be so.
P.S. Could someone tell me, is it's one's or ones? Thank you.
Tonight was interesting. I had the following conversation with Anna, one of the high school girls I mentor. We were talking about another girl who used to be in our small group but moved recently and has struggled to hold on to her faith and her identity with the pressures of a new place.
Anna: 'I just hate to see her hurt herself so much! It hurts to watch.'
Me: 'One of the hardest things about love is to keep caring deeply for someone while giving them the freedom to live their own life - even if it means making destructive choices.'
Pause... Anna: 'That's how God loves, though.'
Me: 'Yeah - that's true; that's exactly how God loves.'
Anna: 'It must kill him, though!'
Me: 'Literally.'I couldn't help but think how appropriate this conversation was for Holy Week.
It's a bit of a stretch... but since it is my blog... last week we had a Stampin' Up party (yes... stamping... not quite a tupperware party, but as my friend Chris once said, very ...midwestern... of me nonetheless!) and over the assemblage of our beautiful cards some of the women at my table fell into conversation about the usage - or lack thereof - of the word "love". As in, how quickly do you say "I love you" to someone and, while we're on the subject, what is love anyway. Being Lucy, I inserted myself into the conversation - and probably gave it a more philosophical bent than was perhaps necessary :) It struck me how much I chafe against this idea that the "L" word is a four-letter word that should be used sparingly. I mean, okay, I suppose I understand the reluctance to bare ones soul, particularly in a romantic relationship, but really - I just don't think we say "I love you" enough! Where did we get the idea that asserting our affection - even deep affection - for someone was an utterance that somehow committed us to life-long exclusive claims on another person (or gave them such claims on us)? Not that I'm proposing that we glibly substitute "I love you" for our already shallow and oft-meaningless social interactions ("How are you?... We should get together sometime!... Great to see you."); on the contrary, I think we should take love more, not less, seriously. But I wish we would unburden it of the expectations and exclusivity we have given it and instead let it burden us with the weight of responsibility and delight that comes in giving and receiving love. I love my roommate - I love my friends - I love the girls in my small group - I love my colleagues (though now we're getting into harder territory!).
So when the women had left and the stamps and paper scraps had been cleared away, I sat down with Merriam-Webster & my thinking-cap and came up with the following home-spun definition of love. Except I appear to have misplaced it... there's some deep irony in that. In any case, here's a re-creation of what I sat down and wrote! I welcome your thoughts. Love = The persistant desire for the best for someone else. From the Latin meaning "to please", love is always seeking the thing that gives pleasure to another person. Or, as Webster says, it's "unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another."
Perhaps one of my favorite-est of favorite birthday presents ever was this short email from a (very poetic) Belarussian friend, Maxim:
Lucy -
Lovely
Loving
Beloved.
P.S. Could someone tell me, is it's one's or ones? Thank you.
posted by Lucy at 8:26 PM
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