Identity crisis

It's been a long time, so I figured I'd better start back with something of serious import. Ah-hem.


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THIS is what it looks like outside right now. Grrrrr. I am NOT happy with snow in April. Not that this is a first, or that I didn't expect it - but still not happy. My only consolation is that this is the last of it. I can hope, anyway. Next week it's supposed to get up to 60. I have to say, I've been emotional lately - not my favorite state to be in. I think I'm overwhelmed with all the changes and not getting as much sleep as I need. And living in two worlds is hard - the driving back and forth and trying to keep up "extra" relationships (just lots of relationships), build new friendships, etc. while still maintaining my world here in Madison... it's just too much. I'm ready to be done, even though I'm scared to leave everyone and everything here - it's always an identity challenge for me every time I move. Here in Madison I know who I am and I have a whole community - multiple communities - of people who know me. I have identity and purpose. In Illinois I have to start over again - except this time I'm throwing in a whole new variable! I don't even get to keep my name this time - and instead of getting to choose all my new communities (like church, friendships, etc.), I inherit of a lot of Dan's world. As we say in cross-cultural training - "it's not good or bad, it's just different". So my brain and my emotions are churning a lot these days, and especially these nights - I keep waking up in the middle of the night or early in the morning with my mind racing. Oh, and I've noticed that I wake up often with a sore jaw, I think because I clench my teeth in my sleep. Anway, all very exciting, but I'm just ready to jump - tired of standing on the edge and looking over!

Wedding, wedding, wedding...

So, I've been working on wedding plans recently. Now, instead of waking in the middle of the night & wondering about the seminar leaders we still don't have lined up or whether or not people are going to go to a massive bible study that early in the morning, I wake up and wonder whether I should already have someone lined up to alter my dress and if people are going to stay and have a good time at the reception. At least I'm not worrying about a lot of the details since the people of Alleluia! (Dan's church) have really stepped up and taken things off of my plate. It's good since I am not really the person best equipped to make decorating decisions and the like. It's also good since I'm slightly prone to worrying (*gasp*, "No!?!"). All will be well. :)

For anyone who still bothers to check these things now and then, I've also been working on a wedding web page (okay - I just did it yesterday to take a break from the cutting-and-pasting of assembling addresses in one database for the guest list... I DO love excel. Sad, but true, that the designing guest list is more fun than choosing colors for me... but there you go, Dan seems to love me anyway!) Where was I? Oh yes - I have added the link to a blogspot wedding page at the right... check it out and tell me what you think. Yes, lots to be added still.

Big News!!

Introducing...


... my fiancée, Dan.

Here's the spot:


And here's the ring:


If you'd like the full story - well, just call or email.
I'm more than happy to tell it, turns out.

Late nights, late nights...

I'm sad. Nothing major - just loneliness. I get lonely quickly. Not deeply lonely, just lonesome I guess. Tonight is my fourth night in a row alone in the apartment - and especially after all the guests I had at Thanksgiving, it feels... empty. I have had bad dreams the last four nights - I'm hoping to break that trend tonight. My roommate is away camping out in a hotel with Daniel Project people - lots of work, but hopefully fun too. Snow is coming - nice to look at if you're inside by a fire, but not so nice if you need to go anywhere. Urbana is coming - exciting I suppose, but also very nerve-wracking. I find the need to stop and take deep, deep breaths (breathes?) on a regular basis. About hourly, in fact. And I find that I'm walking faster and faster in the office these days.

Things I'm thankful for: my family, Dan, work that's significant and fits my gifts, Russian, music, blankets, my own personal car, Kylene, french fries, the scale & friends to help me lose weight... and lots of other things.

I should get back to work.

I do like my new haircut, though. I think. Need to give it another week to be sure - and I need to buy some headbands so that I can wear it back when I want it firmly out of my eyes. Here's a picture of me with two of my favorite sisters that we took this weekend. Aren't they beautiful? Tell me what you think of the haircut too... as long as you promise to be honest & not too harsh.